forgiveness Forgiveness
I struggle with this. Why is this so hard for some people. Why is it when we can feel the freedom and joy of release, do we instead hold onto the bad memories and 'if's' and punish ourselves.
For months, I told myself I forgave A for the hurt and pain and disappointment inflicted. I even reached a stage when I could say to God that I bless this person who was so mean spirited and selfish, immoral and immatured. I would then feel the light heartedness of my enlighten-ness and peaceable-ness.
But the gains would be short lived and I would revert to sadness and anger and wish bad things on this person, I would spend the next few weeks marinating in it before, like struggling up a hill, I would find that place in me where I would retry, redo the forgiveness process. It is almost, in unpleasant imagery, like a dog returning to its vomit, again and again.
Apart from it being the right thing as a Christian to do, and also the right thing emotionally and psychologically to do, the idea that this person has blithely gone on with life whilst I scrabble around in the swill of hurt and angry feelings, makes me decide finally to get off the forgiveness-unforgiveness treadmill and move on; really move on, finally. Really!
Oh thank you God.
porsche88
Letters from a Life
Enchanted Evenings, Enchanted Meetings
Trendy night spots draw beautiful people. In the resulting sea of attractive faces of every variation to cater to every preference, what is that formula, that stirring of something primal in the subconscious, or the scent, that makes one of the sea of faces lock onto that specific other?
My mind reaches back to when I saw A. It was'nt at a trendy club with a sea of faces. It was quite mundanely, along the corridor at work. In the split second of meeting A, something clicked, and there was a knowing and familiarity. God had taken down my list in minutiae over the years and delivered the person compiled right up to my doorstep, when I least expected it. My sense of wonder was overshadowed only by my gratitude.
I prepared to build a lasting and permanent relationship with A, it was the natural thing to do with one's soul mate, arrived by special delivery.
Only months later, after a tumultous emotional rollercoaster, after recriminations and breakup demands via e-mail, we are apart in rancour. How is a heart so wrong. How is it that someone arrives literally conjured up, fitting The One, be so wrong. Is there a lesson to be learnt here?
Trendy night spots draw beautiful people. In the resulting sea of attractive faces of every variation to cater to every preference, what is that formula, that stirring of something primal in the subconscious, or the scent, that makes one of the sea of faces lock onto that specific other?
My mind reaches back to when I saw A. It was'nt at a trendy club with a sea of faces. It was quite mundanely, along the corridor at work. In the split second of meeting A, something clicked, and there was a knowing and familiarity. God had taken down my list in minutiae over the years and delivered the person compiled right up to my doorstep, when I least expected it. My sense of wonder was overshadowed only by my gratitude.
I prepared to build a lasting and permanent relationship with A, it was the natural thing to do with one's soul mate, arrived by special delivery.
Only months later, after a tumultous emotional rollercoaster, after recriminations and breakup demands via e-mail, we are apart in rancour. How is a heart so wrong. How is it that someone arrives literally conjured up, fitting The One, be so wrong. Is there a lesson to be learnt here?
No replies - reply
Time
When you're going through an emotionally wrenching experience, it feels like the pain will go on and on. But time does heal wounds.
I was one half of 2 people who shared something many, many, many years ago. The angry parting ripped so much, it seemed too much to bear at the time. But with time, the hurt eased. I thought maybe, it is bottled up and stored in a dark place.
Never expecting to see my ripped half again, having both moved to other cities of the world, the last thing I expected, was both of us to be back here in this city, years later, and to set eyes on on each other.
The bottle did not shatter to release old pain, in fact, there was nothing but objective recognition. Where did that crushing hurt go? Dissipate into the ether? Into an abyss of 'dismemory'?
My learning is to be brave, to love like I have never been hurt before, because the pain does go away, and all that remains is a moment's objective recognition before you continue on your way in life.
When you're going through an emotionally wrenching experience, it feels like the pain will go on and on. But time does heal wounds.
I was one half of 2 people who shared something many, many, many years ago. The angry parting ripped so much, it seemed too much to bear at the time. But with time, the hurt eased. I thought maybe, it is bottled up and stored in a dark place.
Never expecting to see my ripped half again, having both moved to other cities of the world, the last thing I expected, was both of us to be back here in this city, years later, and to set eyes on on each other.
The bottle did not shatter to release old pain, in fact, there was nothing but objective recognition. Where did that crushing hurt go? Dissipate into the ether? Into an abyss of 'dismemory'?
My learning is to be brave, to love like I have never been hurt before, because the pain does go away, and all that remains is a moment's objective recognition before you continue on your way in life.
No replies - reply
Faith
What do you do when the things that you need to have happen, the things that you dearly want to have happen, do not happen despite doing all the right things - humanly and supernaturally.
By supernaturally, I mean, from the perspective of a Christian and a Pentecostal, that we have 'tools' at our disposal. Tools such as the word of God in the Bible and His promises ( " for all the promises of God in Him are Yes and Amen "), calling upon the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, prayer and fasting ( " but in everything by prayer and supplication " ) , speaking in one's prayer language and praying with fellow believers for the thing you need to have happen ( " when 2 or 3 gather in My name ") .
My hard learning is that final component is not something you 'do'. Faith is knowing the nature of God - Jehovah Jirah, Jehovah Raphe... understanding His love for us, and that He already knows my needs and heart desires even if I don't articulate them.
Hence on that Faith platform, stands peace, patience and praise.
What do you do when the things that you need to have happen, the things that you dearly want to have happen, do not happen despite doing all the right things - humanly and supernaturally.
By supernaturally, I mean, from the perspective of a Christian and a Pentecostal, that we have 'tools' at our disposal. Tools such as the word of God in the Bible and His promises ( " for all the promises of God in Him are Yes and Amen "), calling upon the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, prayer and fasting ( " but in everything by prayer and supplication " ) , speaking in one's prayer language and praying with fellow believers for the thing you need to have happen ( " when 2 or 3 gather in My name ") .
My hard learning is that final component is not something you 'do'. Faith is knowing the nature of God - Jehovah Jirah, Jehovah Raphe... understanding His love for us, and that He already knows my needs and heart desires even if I don't articulate them.
Hence on that Faith platform, stands peace, patience and praise.
No replies - reply
Disposables
I really like her, a wonderful friend whom I've shared fun times and meaningful conversations with. Having just found out she is dating someone older, someone I know and who is married with 2 teenage children, who has given that age old story, " I am unhappy in my marriage " , I cannot even describe the sadness I have at that situation and the strike at the institution of marriage and fidelity.
Is this what its like in our society today? When a husband and wife hit a rough patch in their marriage, that running into the arms of another is the solution rather than working it out. Has our society so embraced the disposable culture that marriages and people are also viewed as disposable?
I am devastated, is there no faithfulness and no honour towards ones spouse in marriage anymore? I want so much, God, to believe in true love, love that endures and is faithful amidst the storms in life, amidst the evidence appearing otherwise.
I really like her, a wonderful friend whom I've shared fun times and meaningful conversations with. Having just found out she is dating someone older, someone I know and who is married with 2 teenage children, who has given that age old story, " I am unhappy in my marriage " , I cannot even describe the sadness I have at that situation and the strike at the institution of marriage and fidelity.
Is this what its like in our society today? When a husband and wife hit a rough patch in their marriage, that running into the arms of another is the solution rather than working it out. Has our society so embraced the disposable culture that marriages and people are also viewed as disposable?
I am devastated, is there no faithfulness and no honour towards ones spouse in marriage anymore? I want so much, God, to believe in true love, love that endures and is faithful amidst the storms in life, amidst the evidence appearing otherwise.
Profile
Calendar
